I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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