I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
