what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I looked at my own cervix.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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