Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
