To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
