I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
