my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
