I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
