I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
