Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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