SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
