oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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