ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
