where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
