I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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