i may or may not be watching the land before time
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
