I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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