My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this hospital has no fireball
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
