i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
