I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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