How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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