I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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