All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
