To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
