I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
