belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
