is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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