When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
