You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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