I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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