you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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