He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
