my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize