I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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