we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
