At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
