So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am spending my child support on dildos
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
