my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
