in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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