I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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