Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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