i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
