your thong is hanging out like whoa
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
