had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
