420 ftw
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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