I hate all girls vehemently.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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