On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
