He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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