He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
