So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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