I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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