she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I want her autograph on my taint
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize