I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
