I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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