i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
