Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
