I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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