Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
