his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
