I can text with my tongue
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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