I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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