...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bring money and cleavage
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
