If i come over, it means nothing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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