wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
