Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
