Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize