Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
