my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
