so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
