I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
