I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
