so explain again why im purple
no
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
