Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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