Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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