Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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