Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
