Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
