Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize