Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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