just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize