Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
