You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
