When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
