Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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