my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
